These past couple of years I have been on a quest to find ways to heal that are actually accessible and real.
Last night I watched a documentary called The Earthing Movie about grounding, also known as earthing.
Going barefoot is not simple for me. Two years ago today, I had some of my toes amputated. Before that, I was already dragging myself around on a crushed foot, dealing with more complications than I could count. During the surgery, the medications they gave me clashed. I woke up different. I woke up with a brain injury.
That is the truth of it.
For a long time, I was not okay. I am still not all the way back, if I am being honest. But I am getting better, piece by piece. Yoga helps. Being in nature helps. Eating real food helps. I walked away from the medications that hurt me. I had to. Trust is earned, and mine was broken.
Writing my book, Breathing the Night Out, about child sexual violence has been part of how I am putting myself back together. And for every chapter I wrote, I created a collage. I have 78 in total. They are not decoration. They are evidence of how I feel. They hold what I could not say in words.
Collaging is how I speak when words fail me.
I also do emotional freedom technique, tapping pressure points, I see a chiropractor every week, and I keep going, even on the days when it feels pointless.
It has been hell. Not the dramatic kind. The quiet, grinding kind that does not let up. But I am still here. And little by little, I am clawing my way back to myself. Or maybe I am not going back at all. Maybe I am becoming someone new.
After watching the documentary, I ordered a grounding mat. I do not know if it will work, but I am willing to try.
If you are curious, check it out.