This is a beautiful way to honour someone you have lost and celebrate their life over the course of 40 days.
When I lost my brother, my counselor shared an idea that had once been given to her after she lost someone she loved. It was called a 40 Day Celebration of Life. The idea is simple: for 40 days, you do one thing each day that honours the person you have lost.
You might cook their favorite meal, watch their favorite movie, listen to their favorite song, visit their favorite park, or take part in an activity they loved. At first, I thought there was no way I could come up with 40 different things. So I made it easier on myself and decided to start with just 10. Before I knew it, I had a list of 40.
Each day, I chose one thing from the list and did it in my brother’s memory.
One day, I watched his favorite movie, Enter the Dragon starring Bruce Lee. Another day, I fed swans in the park because swans were his favorite birds. On another occasion, I went to watch people fishing because he loved to fish. I was vegan at the time and did not want to fish myself, so I simply watched, held a few fishing rods for people, and even had my picture taken. It was all done in honour of my brother.
Another day, I played on monkey bars because he had loved them as a child.
What surprised me most was how much joy this celebration brought me. Instead of focusing solely on my loss, I spent 40 days actively remembering who he was and all the things that made him special.
On the 40th day, I chose to do something symbolic. I bought a Chinese sky lantern, a small hot air balloon made of rice paper and bamboo. That evening, I went down to Lake Ontario with a few friends. I sprinkled the last of my brother’s ashes onto the lantern and then set it free.
The moment was especially meaningful because my brother and I had often talked about different funeral traditions. We both loved the idea of a Viking funeral, where a person is sent off in flames. Later, when we learned about Tibetan sky burials, where vultures carry a person’s remains back to the sky, we thought that was even more remarkable.
In a way, the sky lantern allowed me to give him a version of both. I was able to release his ashes through fire and send them upward into the sky. It was a beautiful farewell.
If you decide to create your own 40 Day Celebration of Life, do not worry about coming up with 40 ideas all at once. Start with 10. The rest will come.
I have honoured my brother in many ways over the years, but this was the most powerful. It gave me permission to celebrate him, remember him, and gradually let him go. It remains one of the most meaningful experiences of my life.