I never imagined I would be here.
I worked full time from 1979 to April 2024. Forty five years. Then a surgery changed my life. I came out of it with brain damage and everything shifted. I burned through my life savings and line of credit trying to recover while navigating a system that is not easy to access.
What people do not see is that I have been managing the impact of child sexual violence my entire life. I learned how to function. I learned how to work. I learned how to carry it without letting it take me down.
The brain injury took that ability away. What I used to manage is now something I cannot control in the same way. Complex trauma became complex PTSD. It is no longer something I can push through. It shows up whether I want it to or not.
It has been almost two years and I am still waiting to be approved for disability. Like so many others, I rely on food banks to get by. In Toronto, an adult receives $891.14 per month, and that is only with an added transportation allowance because I have to get to a weekly medical appointment. That amount is supposed to cover everything.
Now I understand why there are so many tent cities. I also know Canadians are still better off than people in many other countries, including our neighbours across the border. But that does not change how hard it is to survive like this.
I am going to say something that is hard to admit. I feel like a failure. I know I am not, but the feeling is still there. Shame does not disappear just because you understand it. Mine is real and it is raw. It has roots that go back much further than this moment.
I am slowly healing, and I am learning how to live again, this time with a brain that does not work the way it used to.
In Toronto, many food banks require appointments because the need is so high. We are usually allowed one visit per week, and often the food lasts only a few days.
Then I walked into Canadian South Asian Growth & Support Services Food Bank (CSAGSS).
From the moment I stepped inside, something shifted. I was treated with dignity. I was welcomed. The team greeted me with calm, genuine warmth. My shame started to loosen its grip.
I was able to take my time, to shop, to talk with the volunteers. By the end, it felt less like a transaction and more like a community. With their thoughtful suggestions and a bit of creativity, I left with enough food to carry me through the week.
That matters more than I can fully explain.
Thank you CSAGSS’ team Biswajit Dutta, MCOM,MBA,CAMS,Certified SAP MM/FICO/S4HANA, Nabeel Ahmed and Maria Saha. Your care and kindness did more than fill my bags. You helped me feel human again. You left me not only hopeful, but proud to keep going.
I will be back, and when I am able, I will find ways to give back and contribute to this community that lifted me when I needed it most. 🩷 🍅 🌞